Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Trending via Threads:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Just shared via Instagram:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Shared recently on Threads:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Just landed via Slack:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

6 months ago

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

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Commentary:
"Remember, a conversation is like a game of hot potato – you don't want to be the one left holding the spud for too long! 🥔 Let's give others a chance to shine in the spotlight, before we start auditioning for the role of the one-person show! 🎭💬"

communication, conversation, humor, listening, minutes, skills, social, social skills, someone, straight, talking, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Going viral on Telegram:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Reported on Discord:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Seen just now on Discord:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Reported on Reddit:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Freshly posted on Discord:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

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