I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

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Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

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Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

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You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

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A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

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Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

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All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

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Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

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There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

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Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

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The season is back when women are 80% scarf.