Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Breaking via Telegram:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Breaking via Threads:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Trending via Instagram:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Seen just now on X:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Freshly posted on Discord:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Trending via X:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

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I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.
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Commentary:
🐎 Hold your horses, folks! This rebel is on a mission to revive the timeless phrase no matter what! 🤣 Who knew bringing back a classic turn of phrase could be so daring and unstoppable? Watch out, world, old idioms are making a major comeback! 🌟 #HoldYourHorsesRevival

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

92 shares on X this month:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,278

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Spotted on Twitch:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Trending via WeChat:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Seen just now on Facebook:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Spotted on YouTube:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Making waves on Twitch:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

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