27 funny horse quotes - Wordgag

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

May 29, 2026

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

May 29, 2026

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

May 29, 2026

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

May 28, 2026

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

May 28, 2026

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

May 28, 2026

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

May 28, 2026

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

May 28, 2026

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

May 27, 2026

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

May 27, 2026

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

May 26, 2026

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

May 26, 2026

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

May 25, 2026

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

May 25, 2026

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

May 24, 2026

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

May 23, 2026

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

May 23, 2026

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

May 23, 2026

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

May 23, 2026

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

May 22, 2026

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

May 22, 2026

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

May 20, 2026

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

May 20, 2026

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

May 19, 2026

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

May 19, 2026

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

May 19, 2026

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

May 19, 2026