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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Trending via Twitch:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Spotted on Instagram:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Trending via Threads:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Trending via TikTok:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Seen just now on Threads:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Just shared via Threads:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

0
Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Clearly the first person to write down a recipe was on a whole other level of organization – they probably color-coded their spice rack and alphabetized their pantry. Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here still trying to figure out where we put the flour."

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on X this month:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

64 shares on Reddit this month:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

12 shares on Threads this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

63 shares on Messenger this month:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

59 shares on X this month:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Just landed via Messenger:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Just landed via Threads:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Just shared via Facebook:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Just shared via Slack:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Breaking via WeChat:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

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