Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

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Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

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I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

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I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

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‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

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If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

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I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

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I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

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Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

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If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

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Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.