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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,533

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Trending via Discord:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Just landed via Twitch:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Making waves on TikTok:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Making waves on Discord:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Making waves on Reddit:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Making waves on X:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

2 months ago

0

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma: a calcified pineal gland or plastic-infused balls? 🚰💦 It's a tough choice between becoming a human water filter or a living stress ball! 😂 Which one will you pick for your daily dose of existential crisis?"

balls, bottled, bottled water, drink, fluoride, gland, health, humor, let, micro, microplastics, pineal, pineal gland, spring, tap, tap water, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

0

2 months ago

crowd, died, forgetting, God, God save the Queen, hear, humor, irony, love, memory, queen, save, singing
I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

0

2 months ago

bar, Earth, frustration, gaming, humor, i, jokes, keep, space, space bar, still, technology
Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

0

2 months ago

careful, confrontation, danger, draw, fast, friend, humor, i, just, sarcasm, Shakira, threat, weapon, word
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

0

2 months ago

adult, asking, aspiration, career, child, children, dream, grow, growth, humor, idea, want
Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

0

2 months ago

appreciate, back, being, humor, important, life, me, offline, online, time
Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, crossing, dating, fingers, four, Four Horseman, fun, horseman, humor, irony, joke, single

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Threads this month:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,469

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Just shared via Threads:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Going viral on Instagram:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Trending via Discord:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Trending via WeChat:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

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