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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,717

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Making waves on TikTok:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Spotted on YouTube:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Just landed via Instagram:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Going viral on X:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Trending via Discord:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

2 months ago

0

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the only cure for a cold is a heavy dose of tea and a sprinkle of British charm! 🍵🇬🇧 Who knew a sore throat could make you start curtsying to inanimate objects and asking for crumpets? Let's hope the Queen doesn't invite you for high tea anytime soon!" 😄👑

accent, am, British, British accent, cold, culture, family, fascination, health, humor, much, rid, royal, royal family, speaking, stereotypes, tea, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

0

5 months ago

accessory, best, body, body image, fashion, fitness, flat, flat stomach, humor, image, stomach
Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

0

2 months ago

beloved, beloved life, death, emotional, emotional humor, harm, humor, irony, life, life struggle, me, pain, struggle
I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

0

2 months ago

actually, age, am, compliment, great, humor, i, just, looks, me, older, people, start, tell
Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

0

2 months ago

breathing, breathing competition, call, communication, competition, humor, interaction, me, number, numbers, patience, phone, phone call, sarcasm, social, social interaction, talk, unknown, unknown number, waiting, welcome
I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

0

2 months ago

anger, communication, frustration, humor, just, making, management, me, need, stop
Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

0

5 months ago

awkward, birthday, hate, i, media, notification, social, social media, story, view

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

17 shares on Discord this month:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

58 shares on X this month:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,566

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Shared recently on Discord:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Trending via TikTok:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Going bananas on Slack:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Spotted on Twitch:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

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