Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

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I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

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I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

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It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

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When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

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Feeling like a bug without his rug.

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No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

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Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

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Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

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I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

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Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.