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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Shared recently on Discord:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Seen just now on X:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Shared recently on X:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Just shared via Twitch:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Seen just now on Twitch:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Tracking my package is my new favorite reality TV show 📦📺😂

anticipation, boring, delivery, excitement, life, online, online shopping, package, parcel, shopping, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

0

2 months ago

age, humor, life, old, perspective, self-deprecation, vintage, wisdom
Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

0

2 months ago

calling, different, found, guy, humor, party, relationship, search, search party
The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

0

2 months ago

healthcare, humor, irony, job, money, paramedic, paycheck, profession, seen, thing, workplace, worst
Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, bladder, clock, humor, morning, morning routine, needs, routine, waking, waking up
Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, convince, date, Godzilla, humor, idea, invite, monster, plus, plus one, relationship, rom-com, struggle, struggles, wedding
Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

0

2 months ago

boredom, cell, cell phone, daily, daily life, experience, funny experience, humor, life, observation, phone, tiles, today, toilet

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

31 shares on Threads this month:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

92 shares on Threads this month:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

97 shares on Discord this month:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

94 shares on Threads this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Trending via Twitch:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Trending via Facebook:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Going viral on Threads:

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

Just landed via Reddit:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Going viral on X:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Trending via X:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Just landed via Facebook:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨