Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

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‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

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I need a leaf blower, but for people.

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The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

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70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

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If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

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My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

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Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

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I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

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This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.