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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Jan 5, 2026

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Trending via Twitch:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Spotted on Slack:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Making waves on Facebook:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Just shared via WeChat:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Going viral on Threads:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Spotted on X:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

2 months ago

0

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the elusive Windows software update – the holy grail of computing hopes and dreams! 🤖💻 Will this be the one that finally brings peace and harmony to our digital lives, or will it simply introduce a whole new slew of bugs and glitches for us to marvel at? 💥💢 Either way, buckle up and prepare for some unexpected adventures in the world of tech! 🚀🔧 #TechTales

change, changes, everything, humor, me, optimism, software, technology, update, Windows

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I will sit in the rain about this.

0

3 months ago

humor, i, patience, rain, sit, sitting, stubbornness, weather
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, asked, humor, i, ketchup, list, making, me, misunderstanding, put, read, reading, shopping, shopping list, wife
Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

0

2 months ago

current, current events, dystopian, events, fiction, humor, media, needs, news, satire, watch
I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

0

3 weeks ago

again, communication, freaky, hate, humor, i, mood, mood shift, morning, night, pure, purity, reply, shift, shut, someone, something, still, sun, texting, vibe
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

0

2 months ago

achy, Achy Breaky Heart, bad, bad day, breaky, country, country music, dance, day, heart, humor, just, line, line dance, matter, music, remember, seems, someone
It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

0

2 months ago

adventure, buried, buried treasure, expectation, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunting, me, normal, plan, point, retirement, right, security, treasure, treasure hunting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

50 shares on Slack this month:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

48 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

55 shares on Discord this month:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

65 shares on X this month:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Just landed via TikTok:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Trending via Instagram:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Trending via Reddit:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Trending via Telegram:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Shared recently on Threads:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Seen just now on Threads:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

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