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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Spotted on X:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Trending via Threads:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Going viral on Discord:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

2 months ago

0

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the elusive Windows software update – the holy grail of computing hopes and dreams! 🤖💻 Will this be the one that finally brings peace and harmony to our digital lives, or will it simply introduce a whole new slew of bugs and glitches for us to marvel at? 💥💢 Either way, buckle up and prepare for some unexpected adventures in the world of tech! 🚀🔧 #TechTales

change, changes, everything, humor, me, optimism, software, technology, update, Windows

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

0

2 months ago

90s, comedy, humor, intrusive, neighbor, sitcom, thought, thoughts
You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

0

2 months ago

acoustics, bowl, fart, Gondor, horn, house, humor, morning, noise, struggle, thanks, toilet, try, waking, whole
I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

0

5 months ago

communication, finds, hope, humor, i, message, no response, patience, response, row, sarcasm, text, texting, waiting, well
I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

0

2 months ago

bored, boredom, contrast, cycle, excitement, humor, i, love, overwhelmed, routine
I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

0

3 months ago

add, adult, adult humor, ahead, body, body count, count, dream, humor, i, joke, just, last, night, real, relationship, sex, sex dream
75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

0

2 months ago

advice, being, client, client expectations, clients, communication, divorce, divorce lawyer, emails, expectations, humor, just, lawyer, legal, legal advice, negotiation, saying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

17 shares on X this month:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

62 shares on Facebook this month:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,686

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Going viral on TikTok:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Spotted on Threads:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Shared recently on Discord:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Making waves on Slack:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Seen just now on Telegram:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Going viral on Slack:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

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