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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Going bananas on Messenger:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Spotted on Twitch:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Going bananas on Discord:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Just shared via WeChat:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

1 month ago

Funny quote about cats turning the bed into a secret fight club.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs to worry about monsters under the bed when you've got a cat fight club going on down there? 🐱🥊 Just imagine little kitty referees and spectators cheering on their fierce fighters! Maybe the winner gets the prized tuna can trophy! 😄 #CatFightClub"

bed, cat, cats, childhood, club, fight, fight club, hide, humor, imagination, monster, monsters, pet, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Discord this month:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

24 shares on Discord this month:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Avocado is just green butter.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

23 folks are currently checking 👀

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Making waves on Instagram:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Seen just now on X:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Spotted on WeChat:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Breaking via Slack:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

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