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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,228

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Seen just now on Slack:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Trending via Threads:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Trending via Telegram:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Just shared via Instagram:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Making waves on YouTube:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

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Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs to worry about monsters under the bed when you've got a cat fight club going on down there? 🐱🥊 Just imagine little kitty referees and spectators cheering on their fierce fighters! Maybe the winner gets the prized tuna can trophy! 😄 #CatFightClub"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Slack this month:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,330

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Going viral on Messenger:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Breaking via Reddit:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Spotted on X:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Going viral on Facebook:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Just landed via WeChat:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Going bananas on Reddit:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Spotted on Reddit:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

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