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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Dear Santa, Money!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

4,056

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Breaking via YouTube:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Going viral on WeChat:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Trending via Facebook:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Broadcasted on X:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Trending via Telegram:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

2 months ago

0

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone found a sneaky loophole in the office pet policy! 🐶❌🦙✔️ Forget "take your dog to work day" – it's all about "take your alpaca to work day" now! Watch out, your boss might soon be giving you the side-eye during team meetings with an unexpected furry friend by your side. 😂🦙👔

alpacas, animals, boss, dogs, humor, office, pet, pet policy, policy, say, want, workplace, workplace humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

0

2 months ago

antique, collection, count, food, humor, i, irony, late-century, pantry, spice, spices, sure
I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

0

2 months ago

again, cycle, day, every, habits, i, late, morning, next, night, over, procrastination, regret, repeat, routine, sleep, stay
Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

0

2 months ago

accounts, changing, humor, irony, me, password, passwords, security, self sabotage
Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

0

2 months ago

being, communication, couple, humor, marriage, married, means, relationships, rooms, shouting
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, exercise, fear, humor, laziness, undead, walking, zombie
Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, bedtime routine, bedtime struggle, difficulty, early, easy, going, problem, problems, routine, set, sleep, sleep difficulty, sleep problem, struggle, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

78 shares on Reddit this month:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

73 shares on YouTube this month:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Just shared via Threads:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Live now on X:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Just landed via Threads:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

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