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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

50 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Reported on Messenger:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Freshly posted on X:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Going viral on Facebook:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Going viral on Telegram:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone found a sneaky loophole in the office pet policy! 🐶❌🦙✔️ Forget "take your dog to work day" – it's all about "take your alpaca to work day" now! Watch out, your boss might soon be giving you the side-eye during team meetings with an unexpected furry friend by your side. 😂🦙👔

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

50 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Trending via Pinterest:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Reported on WeChat:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Spotted on Threads:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Going viral on Messenger:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Just shared via Messenger:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Live now on Twitch:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Spotted on Twitch:

Is this art or trash?

Shared recently on Threads:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

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