My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.