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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,892

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

1 second ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Twitch:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Spotted on Reddit:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Shared recently on Instagram:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Freshly posted on X:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Just landed via Messenger:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Going viral on Telegram:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Making waves on Discord:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

5 months ago

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your eight-legged friend is really taking the term "joyride" to a whole new level! 🕷️🚘 Who knew that your car spider moonlights as a web designer? Hope you have some extra flies in the glove compartment for a quick snack while you wait for your little critter to finish their masterpiece! 🕸️🍴

across, annoyance, anywhere, built, car, driving, funny situation, humor, i, obstacle, situation, spider, steering, steering wheel, travel, web, wheel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,892

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

1 second ago

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t come to my house unannounced; I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Discord:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Making waves on X:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Trending via YouTube:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Making waves on Discord:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Shared recently on YouTube:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

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