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Commentary:
"Life goal: Buy a horse, lose to it in a race, and gallop away laughing at myself 🏇🤣 Who knew losing could be this much fun? #RaceToTheFinishLine"

activity, aspiration, beat, buy, competition, dream, fun, horse, humor, me, race, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

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2 months ago

couple, diet, humor, January, last, lose, loss, moment, new, new year resolution, passing, procrastination, realize, resolution, still, time, time passing, trying, weeks, weight, weight loss, year
Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

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2 months ago

antics, blanket, boss, funny idea, humor, idea, night, night time, office, office antics, over, prank, sleep, time, workplace
Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

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2 months ago

blocking, cold, cold side, comfort, enough, hope, humor, i, never, pillow, side, sleep
Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

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2 months ago

eating, food, forgetti, humor, italian, Italian food, pun, regret, regretti, spaghetti
The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

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2 months ago

ceremony, eyes, humor, morning, Olympics, opening, opening ceremony, sleep, thing, wake up
Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

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2 months ago

break, cooking, every, food, half, humor, italian, joke, noodles, spaghetti, stereotype, stroke, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

43 shares on Slack this month:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Going viral on Slack:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Making waves on Threads:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Just landed via Reddit:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Spotted on X:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Going viral on Slack:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨