Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Live now on Telegram:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Spotted on Threads:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Trending via TikTok:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Shared recently on Slack:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Just landed via TikTok:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Shared recently on Discord:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Breaking via Discord:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Spotted on WeChat:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

2 months ago

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your fight or flight response is a jet-setter! 🌍✈️ Always ready to take off at a moment's notice, even the turbulence can't shake its frequent flyer confidence. Just make sure it doesn't rack up too many points or it might upgrade to first-class panic mode! 😅

anxiety, fight, flight, flyer, frequent, frequent flyer, humor, joke, response, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

2 months ago

bartender, business, humor, interaction, me, mind, privacy, rest, social, social interaction, trauma
Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

2 months ago

adult, adults, being, children, funny statement, humor, should, statement, twin, twins
Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

2 months ago

actually, education, humor, imagine, life, management, procrastination, spent, student, student life, study, studying, time, time management
Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

2 months ago

1, 50, activity, after, age, age humor, calling, floor, floor activity, gift, gift wrapping, gifts, help, holiday, holiday preparation, holiday spirit, humor, preparation, spirit, stand, standing, standing up, struggle, wrapping
I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

1 month ago

app, content, control, deactivate, every, i, law, let, media, short-form, short-form video, should, social, social media, think, user, user control, video, video content
Can we not just call it Zealand now?

2 months ago

call, humor, just, suggestion, wordplay, Zealand

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

64 shares on Facebook this month:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

58 shares on Threads this month:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Making waves on WeChat:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Just landed via WeChat:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Shared recently on YouTube:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Just shared via X:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴