Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
  • My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.
  • The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.
  • Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.
  • I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.
  • Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?