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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

What a lot of people donโ€™t understand about mountain climbing is that donโ€™t do that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ป has downloaded:

Everyoneโ€™s a gangster until itโ€™s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Maybe the problem is that Iโ€™m cooler than any man Iโ€™ve ever met.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because youโ€™re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Facebook:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Going viral on Discord:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Seen just now on Slack:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we donโ€™t trust.

Spotted on WeChat:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Live now on X:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Trending via WeChat:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Just landed via TikTok:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Shared recently on Threads:

Welcome to your 50โ€™s, youโ€™ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Funny quote about life advice and humorously preparing with kickboxing in case of karma.
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Commentary:
"Waiting for karma like ๐Ÿ™, but keeping kickboxing on standby for those extra challenging moments like ๐Ÿ’ช๐ŸฅŠ. Who knew life advice could come with a side of self-defense? ๐Ÿ˜„"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

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Social Media Stars โญ

60 shares on X this month:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Meetings are great because who doesnโ€™t like being held hostage?

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You canโ€™t change your past but you can change your pasta.

20 shares on X this month:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor canโ€™t block it out.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically itโ€™s a vegetable.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Having a job ruined my life.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,498

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Dogs canโ€™t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Snapchat:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Trending via Threads:

I think youโ€™re like the catโ€™s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Making waves on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40โ€™s. You now have to second guess your age as you canโ€™t believe youโ€™re that old.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Breaking via Threads:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

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