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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Trending via Instagram:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Making waves on Threads:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Going viral on Telegram:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Making waves on YouTube:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the elusive mind – known to wander off on spontaneous adventures, leaving behind a trail of forgotten thoughts and lost ideas. One can only hope it returns with a thrilling tale or at least a souvenir from its escapades in the great unknown of forgetfulness!

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Related Funny Posts 🤝

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

49 shares on Discord this month:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

47 shares on X this month:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

37 shares on Threads this month:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,713

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Trending via Reddit:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Seen just now on X:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Breaking via Pinterest:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Making waves on TikTok:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Seen just now on Slack:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Spotted on Instagram:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Going viral on Messenger:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Just shared via YouTube:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

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