Trendy Funny Quotes

  • When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.
  • Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
  • People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?
  • I don’t know what’s more fucked: my sleeping pattern, my liver or my bank balance.
  • How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?
  • Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”