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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has shared:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Someone from has viewed:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Someone from has viewed:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from has viewed:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from has downloaded:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Someone from has copied:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Someone from has copied:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2241 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,403

Funny Quotes Topics

15,108

Funny Quotes Images

12,403

Updated

1 hour ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Just landed via X:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Live now on Threads:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Spreading quickly via X:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Just shared via Discord:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Just landed via Facebook:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Spotted on Telegram:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Just landed via Instagram:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, sounds like someone forgot to download the 'listening' software update 😅🤖💬 #MarriageMishaps"

communication, conversation, humor, i, listen, misunderstanding, relationship, single, start, surprise, taken, weird, wife, word

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has copied:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from has shared:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from has shared:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Someone from has bookmarked:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from has downloaded:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Someone from has copied:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from has shared:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from has bookmarked:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Someone from has viewed:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Someone from has shared:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Live now on WeChat:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Going viral on WeChat:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Just shared via Threads:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Just shared via Threads:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Seen just now on Messenger:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Just shared via YouTube:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Going viral on Slack:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Spotted on Facebook:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Activity Log ✨

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

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