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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Trending via Slack:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Spotted on Threads:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Live now on Messenger:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Going viral on Slack:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Live now on X:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of selfies – reality vs. our inflated self-image in our minds! 🤳🤯 Who else relates to that disappointing moment when the camera shows the truth? 📸😂 Remember, it's all about finding that perfect angle and lighting, right? 😜 #SelfieStruggles"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Threads this month:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

28 shares on X this month:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,455

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Making waves on Threads:

My recliner and I go way back.

Just shared via Telegram:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

Going viral on Pinterest:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Spotted on Telegram:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

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