Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.
  • I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.
  • I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.
  • Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.
  • Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.
  • When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.