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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Making waves on Slack:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Shared recently on Discord:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Trending via YouTube:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Broadcasted on Discord:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Seen just now on Discord:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

2 days ago

Witty quote about procrastinating on learning from mistakes with a humorous, playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like the art of procrastination has reached expert levels! 😅👩‍🎓 Don't worry, embracing the 'learning from mistakes' journey can always be postponed to some other day… or year! 🤷‍♂️📆 #ProcrastinationAtItsFinest"

day, good, humor, i, learning, looking, mistake, mistakes, optimism, procrastination, self-reflection, start, today, tomorrow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Discord this month:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

73 shares on Discord this month:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

28 shares on X this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

60 shares on X this month:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

99 shares on X this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,421

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Going viral on Reddit:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Breaking via YouTube:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Spotted on X:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Just landed via WeChat:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

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