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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has shared:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has shared:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has copied:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Spotted on Pinterest:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Trending via Twitch:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wΡ–th the whole famΡ–ly?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Making waves on YouTube:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Clever humor about WeightWatchers questioning cookie acceptance, playful and witty text.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"WeightWatchers website be like: 'Do you accept cookies?' πŸͺ Well played, WeightWatchers, well played! Like, obviously I accept cookies – the real question is how many can I have without breaking my diet? πŸ˜‚ #SneakyButSmart"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Threads this month:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

45 shares on Slack this month:

I like when games that have no need for a jump button have a jump button.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, β€œTake the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, β€œI hope there are no emergencies.”

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œThere’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has viewed:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has copied:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying β€œsteam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has shared:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¬ has copied:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Making waves on Discord:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Breaking via X:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Just shared via Instagram:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I need a massage for my brain.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Just shared via Twitch:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

β€œThere’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

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