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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Spotted on Reddit:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Just shared via X:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Shared recently on Slack:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Live now on WeChat:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Trending via X:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

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One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine a world where a car's turn signal actually works, and pedestrians don't have to play a dangerous game of 'Guess which way this giant metal box is going next?' 🚗💡 Talk about a pedestrian-friendly upgrade! Now if only we could get the drivers to use that magical blinky light consistently… 😅"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Discord this month:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

88 shares on Discord this month:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

82 shares on Discord this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Trending via Facebook:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Making waves on Facebook:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Going viral on Snapchat:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Going bananas on TikTok:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Seen just now on Discord:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Just shared via Slack:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Just shared via Instagram:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Going viral on Instagram:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

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