Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Just shared via X:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Freshly posted on X:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Going viral on Slack:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

2 months ago

0

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like your Uber driver has a strict 'drop and go' policy! 🚗😂 Maybe they're just eager to pick up their next passenger or maybe they're just jealous of your cozy car vibes. Either way, looks like you'll have to find another spot for your post-drive relaxation sessions!"

always, car, driver, home, humor, i, love, me, people, sit, talk, Uber, waiting, whenever, yell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

0

2 months ago

after, back, came, exercise, fitness, five, forgot, humor, i, jogging, minutes, motivation, out of shape, personal, personal struggle, running, self-awareness, shape, something, struggle
I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

0

2 months ago

activity, button, buttons, fun, fun activity, humor, i, Instagram, liking, media, pressing, pressing button, social, social media, story
I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

0

5 months ago

attitude, communication, every, honesty, humor, i, love, meant, people, said, sarcasm, statement, truth, word
I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

0

2 months ago

awkward, conversation, dating, flirt, hope, humor, i, just, relationship, say, something, things, weird, weird things
Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

0

3 months ago

bug, bugs, humor, insect, joke, lack, leg, legs, personality
The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

0

2 months ago

alone, care, everyone, except, extra, humor, just, leave, lesson, life, life lesson, loneliness, matters, nothing, problem, relationship, self-care, selfishness, solitude, special, take, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Telegram this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

57 shares on X this month:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

75 shares on Discord this month:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,354

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Breaking via Instagram:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Just landed via Telegram:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Just landed via Discord:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Just landed via Slack:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴