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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Just landed via Slack:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Making waves on Snapchat:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Just landed via TikTok:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Going bananas on X:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Just shared via WeChat:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

2 months ago

0

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'just be yourself' advice – because apparently, being a chaotic bundle of contradictions is exactly what the world needs more of! 🙃 Embrace the quirky, slightly off-kilter charm of being YOU – it's not for everyone, but hey, who wants to be just like everyone else anyway? 😉✨"

advice, be myself, good, good thing, growth, humor, just, me, myself, people, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-identity, tell, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

0

5 months ago

annoyance, blind, blinds, closed, flight, humor, hurt, leave, passenger, people, plane, ride, travel
My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, identity, name, rapper, rapper name, stress, wordplay
Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

anniversary, commitment, fitness, five, going, gym, humor, procrastination, start, today, tomorrow, year
The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

0

2 months ago

dad, game, humor, invention, language, losing, Scrabble, welsh, Welsh language
Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

0

3 weeks ago

bleeding, danger, emotion, emotions, feelings, metaphor, next, people, shark, showing, trust, vulnerability, wrong
It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

0

2 months ago

dating, hard, hard to get, hard to want, humor, play, relationship, self-deprecation, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on X this month:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,237

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Going bananas on Telegram:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Seen just now on Slack:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Seen just now on WeChat:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

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