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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2442 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,604

Funny Quotes Topics

15,270

Funny Quotes Images

12,604

Updated

31 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Tested positive for being single af

Going viral on Threads:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Spotted on Snapchat:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Trending via Twitch:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess he's just 'boarding' the ship in style! 🛳️🤣 #PlankExpert #DadsEverywhere"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2442 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,604

Funny Quotes Topics

15,270

Funny Quotes Images

12,604

Updated

31 minutes ago

Users Online

3,462

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Trending via Slack:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Making waves on TikTok:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Making waves on Slack:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Just shared via X:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

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