Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Going viral on Reddit:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Just landed via Telegram:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Trending via Telegram:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Making waves on Threads:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Trending via Threads:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Puberty: the awkward magic trick where you suddenly grow a mustache… and you're a girl! 😂🧙‍♀️✨

adolescence, change, experience, growth, hair, humor, puberty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

0

2 months ago

birthday, boyfriend, gift, gift idea, God, humor, idea, love, maybe, me, relationship, single, wish, year
I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

0

2 months ago

actually, age, am, compliment, great, humor, i, just, looks, me, older, people, start, tell
There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

0

2 months ago

attempt, failure, hate, humor, i, nap, nothing, rest, sleep
Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

0

2 months ago

cracking, cube, funny observation, good, household, humor, ice, ice cube, ice tray, kitchen, observation, playful, satisfaction, tray
For Halloween, you should be mine.

0

2 months ago

flirtation, Halloween, holiday, love, mine, pun, romantic, should
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

0

2 months ago

dwarf, happiness, happy, humor, joke, melancholy, statistic, statistically

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Reddit this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

51 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

67 shares on Threads this month:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

65 shares on Threads this month:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Making waves on Instagram:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Live now on YouTube:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Live now on X:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Going bananas on X:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨