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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Trending via Reddit:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Freshly posted on X:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Live now on Twitch:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

2 months ago

0

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the key to a long life is just taking it slow and steady like a turtle 🐢 Who knew that doing nothing could be so beneficial?! Meanwhile, us humans are constantly running like dogs 🐕 and only living for a fraction of the time. Maybe it's time for us to embrace our inner turtle and chill out more! 🐢🏃‍♂️ #SlowAndSteadyWinsTheRace"

activity, dog, dogs, humor, jump, lesson, lifespan, live, nothing, rabbit, run, turtle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

0

4 months ago

energy, exhaustion, humor, inside, much, retail, shopping, Walmart
When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, death, executioner, filibustering, final, final words, humor, irony, just, me, procrastination, words
“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

0

4 months ago

envy, humor, jealous, jealousy, man, marriage, married, men, nobody, relationship, stay-at-home, stay-at-home wife, wealthy, wealthy man, wife
Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

0

2 months ago

company, every, finance, food, humor, invest, pasta, penne, pro, pro-tip, tip, worth
I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

0

2 months ago

fun, humor, humor quote, i, interaction, just, little, most, need, patience, personality, relationship, sarcasm, social, social interaction, super, teasing, time, warm
My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

0

2 months ago

attitude, boss, calm, give, humor, i, laziness, likes, pressure, sarcasm, shit, tell, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

30 shares on Threads this month:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

13 shares on Slack this month:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

69 shares on Discord this month:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

66 shares on Threads this month:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,340

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Seen just now on Threads:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Trending via X:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

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