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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,296

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Making waves on YouTube:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Going viral on Messenger:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Breaking via TikTok:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Just landed via Telegram:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about aging and changing flexibility, comparing it to rotisserie chicken rotation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the glorious days of youth when you could blissfully sprawl out like a starfish🌟 Now it's all about strategic maneuvers, shifting like a game of hip-saving chess every quarter hour ⏰ Who knew we'd all turn into human rotisserie chickens with age? 🍗😂 #AdultingStruggles

age, chicken, discomfort, every, hip, hours, humor, hurts, lay, minutes, position, remember, rotation, rotisserie, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Facebook this month:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

36 shares on Slack this month:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been blocked by better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,406

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Going viral on TikTok:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Spotted on TikTok:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Going viral on Slack:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Live now on Instagram:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Making waves on Telegram:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

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