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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Jan 12, 2026

3,478

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Going viral on Facebook:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Making waves on Twitch:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Just landed via Twitch:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Making waves on Slack:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Spotted on Threads:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

2 months ago

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the glorious days of youth when you could blissfully sprawl out like a starfish🌟 Now it's all about strategic maneuvers, shifting like a game of hip-saving chess every quarter hour ⏰ Who knew we'd all turn into human rotisserie chickens with age? 🍗😂 #AdultingStruggles

age, chicken, discomfort, every, hip, hours, humor, hurts, lay, minutes, position, remember, rotation, rotisserie, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

2 months ago

friendship, humor, i, listening, me, sarcasm, secret, trust
Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

2 months ago

activity, appointments, busy, busy life, exhausted, full, i, just, life, overcommitted, people, reading, social, social life
My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

2 months ago

ask, child, children, delegation, different, example, helpful, helpfulness, humor, i, parenting, something
How do I un-know people?

2 months ago

confusion, humor, i, interaction, people, relationship, social, social interaction, un-know
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

2 months ago

call, dating, humor, i, me, money, much, poor, self-esteem, ugly, wealth, women
They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

2 months ago

deception, description, honesty, humor, job, job description, lie, resume, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on X this month:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

36 shares on Discord this month:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

96 shares on Discord this month:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, you should be mine.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Going viral on Messenger:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Just landed via Telegram:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Just shared via TikTok:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Spotted on Discord:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Shared recently on X:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

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