Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

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She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

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Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

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The future is buffering.

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I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

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That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

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There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

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You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

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I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

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Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

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My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.