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Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, Iโ€™ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

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I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

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Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when itโ€™s empty.

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Jeez. Itโ€™s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

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Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

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What doesnโ€™t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask โ€œWhat are you doing?โ€

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It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

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When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, โ€œthatโ€™s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.โ€

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Itโ€™s always โ€œyouโ€™re so cute when youโ€™re mad,โ€ until the house is on fire.

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Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

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๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ”ต๐ŸŒป When it comes to love and flowers, sometimes you need to weed out the surprises! ๐Ÿชด๐Ÿ˜„ Who knew gardening could be so sassy and informative at the same time? ๐Ÿ’โ€โ™‚๏ธ #FlowerFacts #NotYourAverageRomance



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