Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.
  • Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.
  • I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.
  • I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.
  • If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.
  • Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.