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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Making waves on Facebook:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Live now on Twitch:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Just landed via Instagram:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Going viral on Discord:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

1 week ago

Witty text about ignoring cooking instructions, highlighting humorous kitchen chaos.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
👩‍🍳🔥 "Big shout out to all the rebellious chefs out there, throwing caution to the wind and sticking with their 180°C for 20 minutes method! Who needs instructions anyway, right? Keep on baking on the wild side!" 🤣👨‍🍳

20, baking, cooking, everyone, food, humor, instructions, kitchen, matter, minutes, say, shout, shout out, temperature, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Messenger this month:

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

84 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

38 shares on Telegram this month:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,297

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Making waves on Messenger:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Spotted on Twitch:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Just landed via Telegram:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Spotted on Telegram:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Breaking via Twitch:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

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