Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

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The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

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Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

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Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

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It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

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I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

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Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

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Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

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Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

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Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

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I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.