Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.
  • I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.
  • You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.
  • You don’t scare me, I was married once.
  • Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.
  • There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.