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Commentary:
"Sounds like a classic case of mixing up your to-do list with your chores list 🤣. Don't forget to check off 'feeling accomplished' at the end of the day! 🧺🐱🚿🗑️🧍"

absurdity, anything, cat, chores, disposal, else, garbage, humor, laundry, myself, shower, showered

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

4 months ago
else, humor, i, ID, identity, irony, personality, regret, self, somebody
Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

1 month ago
desire, drive, existential, humor, joke, life, live, relationship, sex, sex drive, will to live, yes
“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

5 months ago
humor, just, person, personality, sleepiness, sleepy, times, timing, tired, wrong
Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

1 month ago
believe, cartoon, childhood, ever, fear, humor, i, imagination, led, me, movement, place, quick, quick movement, run, running, scare, scared, Scooby Doo, should
Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

1 month ago
airport, cost, everything, humor, just, me, observation, prices, shopping
I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

1 month ago
aging, eye, eyes, eyesight, getting, humor, i, joke, just, perception, self-deprecating, smaller, thought, worse, wrinkle, wrinkles

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

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Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

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Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

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Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

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My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Going viral on Instagram:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Making waves on Facebook:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Breaking via Facebook:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

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So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

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So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

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