Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

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Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

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I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

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As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

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When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

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Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

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If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

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Dudes be named Will but won’t.

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I’m only dead on the outside.

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It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

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Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.