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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Tested positive for being single af

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

2 hours ago

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Just shared via TikTok:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Making waves on TikTok:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Just landed via X:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Live now on Threads:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

6 months ago

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

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Commentary:
Oh, the struggles of modern dating – where texting first can feel like a grand gesture of desperation! 🙈 Remember, ladies, sometimes you gotta take the reins and send that message, because who knows, maybe he's just waiting for a cute emoji from you to break the ice! 😉📱 #TextingDilemmas

anxiety, begging, communication, hands, humor, knees, man, me, relationship, talk, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

2 hours ago

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Spotted on Discord:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Just shared via TikTok:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Live now on Snapchat:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Just landed via YouTube:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Shared recently on Slack:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Shared recently on Slack:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

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