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God, please โ€” if you donโ€™t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

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My diet was going really well until I woke up.

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Delightful if true: booby trap.

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โ€œIโ€™m still youngโ€, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

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Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? Theyโ€™re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

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I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

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I got bills. Theyโ€™re multiplying.

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When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

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My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

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Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

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The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Commentary:
"Teaching kids about taxes one ice-cream scoop at a time: the deliciously clever approach! ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ’ธ Just remember, the 30% tax on ice-cream is way easier to swallow than the real deal! ๐Ÿ˜‚ #FinancialLessonsInDessert"



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