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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

293 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,562

Funny Quotes Topics

17,616

Funny Quotes Images

15,562

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Shared recently on X:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Going viral on Twitch:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Going viral on TikTok:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Trending via Messenger:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when your watch only told you the time and not the number of steps you skipped! ⌚️🍰 #NostalgiaVsReality

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Instagram this month:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

97 shares on Discord this month:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

78 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

293 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,562

Funny Quotes Topics

17,616

Funny Quotes Images

15,562

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Trending via Snapchat:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Shared recently on X:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Live now on Telegram:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Just shared via Instagram:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Breaking via Discord:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Seen just now on X:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Spotted on Slack:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Just shared via TikTok:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

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