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Commentary:
Looks like the government's idea of fun is definitely out of this world… 🛸👽 Talk about taking the thrill out of UFO sightings! Seems like even ET needed a permit to visit Earth now 🚫👾 #BoringAliens

aliens, boring, even, government, humor, satire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

0

4 months ago

anyone, anything, debt, dollars, except, humor, me, money, payment, psychology, session, therapist
Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

1

5 months ago

beverage, coke, diet, Diet Coke, gunshot, gunshot wound, humor, injury, ironic, ironic remedy, pain, pain relief, relief, remedy, wound
You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

0

2 months ago

ask, blood, deadline, form, humor, me, poetic, poetic verse, relationship, request, romance, Valentine, verse, week
When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

0

2 months ago

4th, 5, analogy, basketball, both, estimate, five, girl, humor, left, minutes, quarter, sports, sports analogy, Teams, think, time, time estimate, timeout
When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

0

2 months ago

actually, depression, easy, expectation, expectation vs reality, frustration, humor, lemon, reality, something, stress, thought, vs, wordplay
It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

0

2 months ago

advice, failing, hobby, humor, job, just, life, people, sarcasm, tell, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Just landed via X:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Just shared via Messenger:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Live now on Twitch:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Shared recently on Telegram:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Breaking via YouTube:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The government even made aliens boring.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨