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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Going viral on Instagram:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Freshly posted on Threads:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Spotted on Messenger:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Trending via Telegram:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Trending via Messenger:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Spotted on Threads:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

2 months ago

0

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like Mr. Drill Bit has some personal issues to work through too! 🔨🛋️ Maybe he's trying to vent out his frustrations on those poor IKEA pieces. Let's hope he finds some stability outside of flat-pack furniture assembly! 😅"

furniture, guy, having, home, IKEA, problems

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

0

5 months ago

coffee, escape, exhaustion, forever, hug, humor, i, just, live, need, self-care, solitude, stress, tell, woods
If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

0

2 months ago

colonoscopy, done, healthcare, hope, humor, i, next, plumber, politician, politics, satire, someone, surgery, voted, voting
If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, me, pale, reply, response, shocked, someone, surprise
In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

0

2 months ago

affirmation, beautiful, confidence, humor, positivity, self-love, today
So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, free, freedom, humor, irony, love, never, people, pet, robot, Roomba, say, technology
The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

0

2 months ago

activity, chewing, dependence, humor, snack, TV, volume

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

62 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent crushes that like you back.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,470

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Live now on Threads:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Just shared via X:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Breaking via Pinterest:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Going viral on Threads:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

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