The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

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Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

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That fight could’ve been an email.

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Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

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In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

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Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

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I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

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I look stable, but I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.

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You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

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I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

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On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.