The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

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Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

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Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

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Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

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A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

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American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

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I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

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I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

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“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

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If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

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Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.