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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Breaking via Twitch:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Trending via Threads:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Going bananas on X:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Just landed via YouTube:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Live now on Threads:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Shared recently on Discord:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Clever humorous text about jokingly abandoning someone with a playful river metaphor.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew betrayal could come with so many transportation options? 🚌💨 Selling someone down the river – because throwing them under the bus is just so last season! 😂🚣‍♂️ #JustCasualBetrayal"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on WeChat this month:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

62 shares on Twitch this month:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

18 shares on X this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Just shared via Snapchat:

It was a tough year, but at least I did not buy a Labubu.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Live now on X:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Spotted on Slack:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Making waves on Reddit:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Going viral on Threads:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

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