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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Jan 2, 2026

3,228

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Trending via TikTok:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Just landed via WeChat:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Live now on Pinterest:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Going viral on Slack:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Trending via Discord:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

2 months ago

0

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, the mysterious ways of the traumatized mind – capable of handling a crisis like a seasoned pro, yet get them near the vegetable aisle in a grocery store and all bets are off! It's like their survival instincts are on vacation while their anxiety decides to throw a party in the produce section! 🛒😱"

anxiety, attack, calm, emergency, grocery, grocery store, health, mental, mental health, panic, people, situation, situations, store, surety, trauma

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

0

5 months ago

beat, chess, competition, computer, humor, kickboxing, match, me, once, sport, technology
Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

0

2 months ago

attack, blood, cell, cells, health, humor, joke, smile, tried, white, white blood cell, yesterday
Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

0

5 months ago

always, esoteric, folks, humor, knowledge, observation, reason, social, social observation, unemployed
Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

0

2 months ago

ancestors, cat, Christmas, Christmas sweater, clothing, Earth, extinction, five, holiday, house, house cat, humor, i, irony, killed, mass, mass extinction, me, pets, put, survival, sweater, trying
Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

0

2 months ago

humor, intern, office, procrastination, productivity, put, task, today, tomorrow, why, work
Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

0

2 months ago

account, business, days, frustration, humor, money, refund, take, time, wait

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It was me, I let the dogs out.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Trending via TikTok:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Spotted on X:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Going viral on TikTok:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Just landed via WeChat:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Live now on Facebook:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

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