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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2402 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,564

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,564

26 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Live now on Messenger:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Spotted on X:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Going viral on Slack:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Breaking via Messenger:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

6 months ago

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, the mysterious ways of the traumatized mind – capable of handling a crisis like a seasoned pro, yet get them near the vegetable aisle in a grocery store and all bets are off! It's like their survival instincts are on vacation while their anxiety decides to throw a party in the produce section! 🛒😱"

anxiety, attack, calm, emergency, grocery, grocery store, health, mental, mental health, panic, people, situation, situations, store, surety, trauma

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2402 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,564

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,564

26 minutes ago

3,458

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Breaking via Slack:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Just shared via Instagram:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Going viral on Slack:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Just shared via WeChat:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Shared recently on Slack:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Reported on Reddit:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

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