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Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, the mysterious ways of the traumatized mind – capable of handling a crisis like a seasoned pro, yet get them near the vegetable aisle in a grocery store and all bets are off! It's like their survival instincts are on vacation while their anxiety decides to throw a party in the produce section! 🛒😱"

anxiety, attack, calm, emergency, grocery, grocery store, health, mental, mental health, panic, people, situation, situations, store, surety, trauma

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

4 months ago
accident, chance, corner, delivery, door, falling, fast, fast turn, humor, i, open, too, turn, ups, work
I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

1 month ago
bullshit, button, computer, convenience, every, humor, i, internet, irony, just, keep, love, me, signed, signed in, straight, website
I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

3 months ago
actually, confusion, decision, hate, humor, i, indecisive, know, right, self-deprecation, word
Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

1 month ago
bad, experience, house, humor, i, last, movie, Netflix, night, own, walk, walk out
Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

1 month ago
again, beauty, beauty routine, blow-drying, grooming, humor, legs, need, routine, self-care, shave, time, too
How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

1 month ago
container, craving, cream, dessert, eating, food, ice, ice cream, still, stop, temptation

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Breaking via Instagram:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Going viral on Slack:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

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Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

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Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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