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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2251 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,413

Funny Quotes Topics

15,120

Funny Quotes Images

12,413

52 minutes ago

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Going viral on TikTok:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Just shared via Slack:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Reported on TikTok:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Just landed via YouTube:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Just landed via Slack:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Breaking via Telegram:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Making waves on Pinterest:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

6 months ago

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the possibilities of detachable arms! 🤖💤 No more awkward arm placements while trying to get cozy in bed. Just unscrew them and set them aside for a peaceful slumber. Sweet dreams of a world where technology sets us free… literally! 😂🛌 #FutureTechGoals"

able, arms, convenience, funny idea, humor, idea, should, sleep, take, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2251 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,413

Funny Quotes Topics

15,120

Funny Quotes Images

12,413

52 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Spreading quickly via X:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Just shared via X:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Reported on Discord:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Just shared via TikTok:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Just landed via X:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Making waves on Twitch:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Just landed via Discord:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Going viral on WeChat:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

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