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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,515

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Trending via Slack:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Making waves on YouTube:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Making waves on Facebook:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

Freshly posted on X:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Making waves on Slack:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Making waves on WeChat:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Just shared via TikTok:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Funny quote about aging and familiarity, highlighting humorous changes over time.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the bittersweet transition from being a regular at the bar to a VIP at the pharmacy 🍸💊 Here's to aging gracefully and getting carded for your medication instead of your drinks! 🎉 #CheersToGrowingUp

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Slack this month:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

28 shares on X this month:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

82 shares on Discord this month:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

86 shares on Threads this month:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

42 shares on Instagram this month:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,382

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Live now on Telegram:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Spotted on WeChat:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Just landed via Instagram:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Live now on Slack:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Making waves on X:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Trending via Slack:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Going viral on Reddit:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

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