Trendy Funny Quotes

  • If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.
  • My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”
  • Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
  • You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!
  • Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.
  • At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.